"If the world's a stage...

. . .we're all searching for a part."

Recently these weeks have been calm but busy, makes no sense but they have.

I just found out what my role has been in life for the past 5-6 years.

I'm the kind of girl/woman that prepares guys/men, whatever you'd like to refer the opposite sex to, in getting ready for an actual relationship with someone. I'm the friend who gives them the confidence and the hope that they need. Once they get what they needed from me they go and pursue any girl that walks by them.

And I'll usually get thrown down and just get a friendly hug from that someone who I actually cared so much about.

It happened countless number of times throughout these years.

Funny how I just realized it, huh?

For example, 2 years ago I fell in love with this 20 yr old. In my eyes, he was everything I always wanted, he was perfect, he made me happy. But I was the girl who helped him get over his ex-girlfriend, who ruthlessly broke his heart. Now he's up to get married. . .but not with me. With a girl, nice girl might I add, who he met right after I came back to El Paso.

-Just a simple example.

"To never love somebody, to never see the stars from the ground, to never taste cold water..."

I'm getting tired of it. I really want to change that part of my life, I want to stop being so much of a friend and start having that bit of a romantic spark to me that guys should be interested in.

Hopefully, I can change that as soon as possible.

Besides that, summer has been great! Been talking to family a whole lot more. Expecting a cousin's arrival from New York on the 13/14th of this month. I can't wait. Work hasn't been so hectic, maybe because I rarely have hours lol. But good things come to those who wait. Hopefully.

I'm so happy I'm entering college, I finally got my head figured out (a whole lot of soul searching in myself, got my priorities straight.) I've decided what I want to major and minor in! Yay! I'm going to major in Spanish and double minors in Secondary Education and in Translation. I really really hope I don't change my mind. A teacher I had helped me realize what I really wanted to do with my life. I'm thinking of going to the school and thanking her. . .for everything. (and I want to thank you Dean, as well.)

I've been over viewing my schedule for school, man, I'm going to be going up and down this upcoming fall. But I love it, I'd rather be busy than have nothing to do.

Recently, my eyes caught hold of a city league, The Diablos, baseball player.

And wow, I'm amazed! lol! I saw him at a club "Wet" on Thursday 'Salsa Night'. I can't get enough of him. But he's just bad news, if you know what I mean. Hope I get to see more of him and actually get a number or a dance. :]

Anywho, I noticed lately that I don't/can't remember a few things that happened in the past months! I can't recall events I helped in, people, things I did, etc. . . I'm a tad scared. Hopefully it'll all come to me. I'm very excited for the 4th of July! We're headed to Red Sands that day with a couple of friends. Let's see how that goes.

[listening to Melody Gardot's album: Worrisome Heart]

"I need a hand with my worrisome heart. . .

. . .I would be lucky to find me a man

Who could love me the way that I am

With this here worrisome heart. . .

. . .I need a break from my troubling ways

I would be lucky to find me a man

Who could love me the way that I am. . .

. . .I need a man who got no baggage to claim. . .

. . .Who could love me the way that I am. . .

. . .A worrisome, troubling, baggage-free, modern day dame

Ain't nobody the same."