Patches and fragments of memory still within me. An almost unknown yesterday and an unknown tomorrow, all I have is today.
Putting together a puzzle with missing pieces, I'll always try to do the best I can as much as I can.
As of today, I've made very little progress.
Every memory has been washed away, leaving footprints for me to follow.
I'm doing what I can to follow but there seems to be gaps everywhere I go.
For example, I am not able to remember things from when I was 16 up until now.
As if I've never lived and went through those 4-5 years.
Everything I learned, shared, and experienced in those years feel like they never happened.
They feel like dreams.
I'll get better sooner or later.
I really hope the thing that caused all this doesn't happen again, I'll admit I'm afraid.
I would never wish this on anyone.
But hey, better me than someone else :)
I try to make the best out of it and have fun with it.
If I'll never be able to recover my memories I'll at least get to make new ones from today and tomorrow...
"My heart is yours.
It's you that I hold on to.
That's what I'll do..."
P.S.
Friends and family, please bear with me. I'm so sorry for the frequent and duplicate questions that I speak. It's out of my hands...love and understand :)
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Cuando me enamoro, se detiene el tiempo...
"It's no use talking and describing about love to anybody, but you. They won't understand.
I guess you can call it selfish, to keep such an amzing feeling to myself.
But what use is it to chatter away if they'll never experience it."
-By your truly
I guess you can call it selfish, to keep such an amzing feeling to myself.
But what use is it to chatter away if they'll never experience it."
-By your truly
Friday, December 31, 2010
One year ago today, my heart melted for him...
A year ago today,
I met the man of my dreams.
It's crazy how time flew by.
We brought in a new year with our first kiss
And now we're letting go of an incredible year with another loving kiss.
I would of never thought in my wildest dreams that this year would turn out the way it has.
It's crazy how I'm still crazy about him.
Feels like I've known him for years and years.
But still as much in love with him as our first months together.
I've never felt anything like this.
It's amazing.
Incredible.
It really feels like I'm in a Disney fairy tale story.
I wouldn't change it for the world.
I can't even describe it, that's love though.
He went over to my house today at 4 am to drop off a love letter. It was so unexpected.
I can't stop smiling and glowing.
I've never felt this happy before
Many people envy us, we have something that people want and need in their lives.
Some go their whole lives without it, some claim to have experienced it, others, the lucky ones, have it and won't ever let go of it.
I used to believe I've experienced it and had it in my life, but I was so wrong, I never knew what it was until my knight in shinning armor showed up at my doorstep Dec. 31st, 2009.
Fate brought us together.
He's my dream come true, and I never want to wake up ;)
Just last night, I mentioned to my mother, "this is the man I'm going to marry, I know I'll waking up in his arms for the rest of my life."
The great thing about it is that he feels exactly the same way.
He's the most loving, caring, handsome, cute, funny, and one in a million kind of boyfriend.
Happy One Year Anniversary baby!
P.S.
I love you
I met the man of my dreams.
It's crazy how time flew by.
We brought in a new year with our first kiss
And now we're letting go of an incredible year with another loving kiss.
I would of never thought in my wildest dreams that this year would turn out the way it has.
It's crazy how I'm still crazy about him.
Feels like I've known him for years and years.
But still as much in love with him as our first months together.
I've never felt anything like this.
It's amazing.
Incredible.
It really feels like I'm in a Disney fairy tale story.
I wouldn't change it for the world.
I can't even describe it, that's love though.
He went over to my house today at 4 am to drop off a love letter. It was so unexpected.
I can't stop smiling and glowing.
I've never felt this happy before
Many people envy us, we have something that people want and need in their lives.
Some go their whole lives without it, some claim to have experienced it, others, the lucky ones, have it and won't ever let go of it.
I used to believe I've experienced it and had it in my life, but I was so wrong, I never knew what it was until my knight in shinning armor showed up at my doorstep Dec. 31st, 2009.
Fate brought us together.
He's my dream come true, and I never want to wake up ;)
Just last night, I mentioned to my mother, "this is the man I'm going to marry, I know I'll waking up in his arms for the rest of my life."
The great thing about it is that he feels exactly the same way.
He's the most loving, caring, handsome, cute, funny, and one in a million kind of boyfriend.
Happy One Year Anniversary baby!
P.S.
I love you
Monday, October 25, 2010
"Deep within the corners of my mind..."
My small neighborhood.
Terrorized by a murderer.
If they only knew who it was, I knew, somehow I knew.
His main targets: pets.
Night after night a dog or a cat was found gruesomely killed and tortured.
I knew who I'd point my finger to.
I knew who would get sure mere amusement of such a disgusting thing.
He wasn't young or old. 56.
Name, unknown.
Gray beard. Thin.
In a green button-up shirt smeared with dry blood.
Khaki pants which have been torn by days and days of use.
Friendly until you read "his book" not only his "front cover".
22nd of October, cold and quiet night.
Moon plain in sight through the pure white clouds.
The smell of emptiness surrounded the streets.
The touch of fog came upon us slowly but surely.
As the night progressed, as I entered my sacred home of relaxation, there he was.
Sitting in a bar stool across my reach.
Looking down at a small kitten comfortably laying in his hand. Petting it with the other.
The kittens ears, cut off. But still held joy to be in the hands of his owner.
Hands covered with blood.
Never acknowledged my presence.
Saw the room as it was, nothing more, nothing less.
He stood from his previous position.
He stood there watching me.
Focused on my hands and feet.
Suddenly the kitten disappeared.
The rush of adrenaline excited my nerve endings. Numb.
You never know the feeling until you get it...
at that moment I became a murderer.
I began to beat him endlessly. Without any remorse.
Without a sense of being human.
The only words that would dare slip out his mouth were, "I'm just the beginning...", up until my foot hit with full force breaking his sternum and fracturing the lower part of his ribs.
The break of his sternum made his words disappear into harsh grunts.
He laid on the floor.
He kept softly uttering the words, "I'm just the beginning...".
I stepped back. Catched my breath.
As I step back I see what appears to be a wooden baseball bat, a Louisville Slugger, leaning against a white wall.
An idea.
A few steps arrived me to the bat. I held it in my hands.
The rush of adrenaline, disgusted excitement and of vendetta came from within me.
He's still there. Lying there.
Justice in my own hands?
I lifted the bat high above my head, took a step back, the bat broke the air and landed on his muscle-covered femur. Bruising it instantly.
Grunt after grunt was followed after each painful crack of bone.
I stood over him.
Above his back. Looking down at him.
An advantage. The Louisville Slugger nicely fitted in my hands.
The perfect opportunity. To relieve from his "duties" forever.
I held the bat high above my head so it will land straight on his skull.
As I held it high, the bat broke my grip and fell into the floor.
Becoming a monster wasn't in my future.
I gave up my physical strength to show my weakness, my inner strength.
I couldn't sink lower than the 56 year old murderer.
And this is where my dream decided to end its book.
Very interesting, creepy none the less.
Terrorized by a murderer.
If they only knew who it was, I knew, somehow I knew.
His main targets: pets.
Night after night a dog or a cat was found gruesomely killed and tortured.
I knew who I'd point my finger to.
I knew who would get sure mere amusement of such a disgusting thing.
He wasn't young or old. 56.
Name, unknown.
Gray beard. Thin.
In a green button-up shirt smeared with dry blood.
Khaki pants which have been torn by days and days of use.
Friendly until you read "his book" not only his "front cover".
22nd of October, cold and quiet night.
Moon plain in sight through the pure white clouds.
The smell of emptiness surrounded the streets.
The touch of fog came upon us slowly but surely.
As the night progressed, as I entered my sacred home of relaxation, there he was.
Sitting in a bar stool across my reach.
Looking down at a small kitten comfortably laying in his hand. Petting it with the other.
The kittens ears, cut off. But still held joy to be in the hands of his owner.
Hands covered with blood.
Never acknowledged my presence.
Saw the room as it was, nothing more, nothing less.
He stood from his previous position.
He stood there watching me.
Focused on my hands and feet.
Suddenly the kitten disappeared.
The rush of adrenaline excited my nerve endings. Numb.
You never know the feeling until you get it...
at that moment I became a murderer.
I began to beat him endlessly. Without any remorse.
Without a sense of being human.
The only words that would dare slip out his mouth were, "I'm just the beginning...", up until my foot hit with full force breaking his sternum and fracturing the lower part of his ribs.
The break of his sternum made his words disappear into harsh grunts.
He laid on the floor.
He kept softly uttering the words, "I'm just the beginning...".
I stepped back. Catched my breath.
As I step back I see what appears to be a wooden baseball bat, a Louisville Slugger, leaning against a white wall.
An idea.
A few steps arrived me to the bat. I held it in my hands.
The rush of adrenaline, disgusted excitement and of vendetta came from within me.
He's still there. Lying there.
Justice in my own hands?
I lifted the bat high above my head, took a step back, the bat broke the air and landed on his muscle-covered femur. Bruising it instantly.
Grunt after grunt was followed after each painful crack of bone.
I stood over him.
Above his back. Looking down at him.
An advantage. The Louisville Slugger nicely fitted in my hands.
The perfect opportunity. To relieve from his "duties" forever.
I held the bat high above my head so it will land straight on his skull.
As I held it high, the bat broke my grip and fell into the floor.
Becoming a monster wasn't in my future.
I gave up my physical strength to show my weakness, my inner strength.
I couldn't sink lower than the 56 year old murderer.
And this is where my dream decided to end its book.
Very interesting, creepy none the less.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Insomnia never sleeps, so why should we?
Why do the thoughts of earlier days that made you angry, upset, and sad come to you when you're about to lay down, close your eyes, relax your body and rest your mind.
Is it because we have a room all to ourselves covered from wall to wall in darkness?
Or is our subconscious trying to tell us something? Converse with us in some way.
"If we believe that we're all alone in this world, know that we're together in that too, nobody who is alone is alone. There are many people feeling the same stranded-ness that you're feeling right now."
It's just a matter of how you see it, your perspective.
Do you have the similar problem? I mean, having those thoughts come back to you while you lay down your sword and shield for the day.
Is it because we have a room all to ourselves covered from wall to wall in darkness?
Or is our subconscious trying to tell us something? Converse with us in some way.
"If we believe that we're all alone in this world, know that we're together in that too, nobody who is alone is alone. There are many people feeling the same stranded-ness that you're feeling right now."
It's just a matter of how you see it, your perspective.
Do you have the similar problem? I mean, having those thoughts come back to you while you lay down your sword and shield for the day.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
"I'm leaving for a destination that I still don't know..."
I used to come here to get things off my chest. To come back in the future and remember how I felt when I wrote this...
Now I feel as if I can't do that here. I'm trying, I am, I'm trying to get back into it.
Trying to find the writer in me that's currently in a writer's "union" just boycotting any work.
Don't know why but it feels like something is stopping me. Never had this before. Hoping it goes away...
Have you noticed that I've been using the word "feel" very often...haha weird.
Now I feel as if I can't do that here. I'm trying, I am, I'm trying to get back into it.
Trying to find the writer in me that's currently in a writer's "union" just boycotting any work.
Don't know why but it feels like something is stopping me. Never had this before. Hoping it goes away...
Have you noticed that I've been using the word "feel" very often...haha weird.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
"...help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure, nothing ever lasts forever. Everybody wants to rule the world."
Recently I've been thinking about my past.
Why?
It should be behind me already, I've already put it behind me.
I've cut myself off from the past just so it can only be a memory.
And that's all it's supposed to be...
(trying to get back to writing, thought this could be a start, because it was too long for a post on facebook and twitter lol)
Editor's Note:
Little experiment is on its way, I'm pretty excited.
A blog almost everyday of how love still exists in mankind.
How it affects me everyday, how my special someone affects me everyday.
Stay tuned.
Why?
It should be behind me already, I've already put it behind me.
I've cut myself off from the past just so it can only be a memory.
And that's all it's supposed to be...
(trying to get back to writing, thought this could be a start, because it was too long for a post on facebook and twitter lol)
Editor's Note:
Little experiment is on its way, I'm pretty excited.
A blog almost everyday of how love still exists in mankind.
How it affects me everyday, how my special someone affects me everyday.
Stay tuned.
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