"I wandered through fiction, to look for the truth...

...buried beneath all the lies.

And I stood at a distance,

to feel who you are,

hiding myself in your eyes..."

-The Goo Goo Dolls

Haven't written one of these in a while. The excuse, been searching for the right title/song to go with this so-called, 'self-done interview'. A pathetic excuse, right?

I've been feeling so stressed and confused lately.

I did not know the summer could be this stressful and irritating, I can't stand being home anymore. It's not because of the boring days that I've gone through...those I can live with, it's just the people around me.

Maybe it's the heat caused by the useless AC in our house, this frustration has also been brought by some people, one is...well we'll call him "Mr. 'E' man" (say it fast lol), only because of thoughts that have been put into my head by other people, it's basically overwhelming my own train of thought and not being able to make a straight decision. Some say that the only reason I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with him because I'm eager to have a male companion and because of the attention he gives me...hmmm...I don't really think that can be a choice. I don't mind being my own person and my own companion. My sister mentions to me many of times that I'm so much more "beautiful" than he is. Why would I want someone who is outrageously handsome? So maybe someone can come along and steal them away? The thing that I like about him are the little things he shows towards me, cute things, something he wouldn't try showing someone else.

I have to know him a bit more to actually make a decision, I need to feel who he is as a person and see how he handles different kinds of situations that could possibly entwine myself and "Mr. 'E' man".

I believe that my own opinions about "Mr. 'E' man" haven't really hit me because I respect others opinions to a high level. I do care what other people have to say, but if I do what they want me to, I'll never be able to live my own life. I'll sit there waiting for someone to give me an option of doing something, choose the highest possibility of what the "audience" might pick and run with that. Something like, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire's ask the audience help option.

-I don't know why this has had a bigger effect on me than in the past months or years.

"A risk that might break you is the one that would save...a life...you don't live is still lost."

Taking a chance might actually help us in the end, it only comes to our choice what we want to experience when the moment arrives.

Editor's Note: Writing and thinking of the right words for this post have helped me ease into a decision that I have no idea what lies ahead for me in the future. But the spontaneity has never felt better.

"Hold on! Before it's too late...it's all that I need in my life."

"The world is open for us, we just need to take the most prized and precious first step."
-Nidia