Living life as it comes

No looking back. Ready for what God has in store, no matter if it means having a hard life ahead or living it as I've dreamed of.

It's been going great, getting ready to start a new life and tossing an "immature" one, high school of course.

At first, I couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness, I was leaving a place that I grew to love. But as the days progressed I learned to see that it blurred everything else in life, people there would baby you and offer you chances that the real world doesn't have.

Now, I have an optimistic attitude as these days end. Looking forward, with my cup "half full". Letting some things go can be the best for all of us.

Most of us got tired of the same routine over and over again. It'll probably be the same way and even worse once we graduate, but hey, it's for us to find out.

Recently, I've been looking for a job, so then I can start looking for a car. Thanks to my sister having great hookups with a man who works at a bank. He'll be able to get me a brand new car(repoed, of course) with just 2.2% interest. Great stuff. And so I can also help my mother out and pay the house mortgage.
Many at my age wouldn't know how to handle life without having parents that have money coming out of their asses, excuse my language.
I'm blessed to have this kind of life, it teaches me to not buy what I want but to buy what I truly need. I've been under a solid budget for almost 2 years now and it's been going great. Many oppourtunities have been coming along the way.

I've been thinking so much lately about my education/career. I have no idea what I'm going to major in. Difficult decisions, and so little time to make them; about 1 year to be exact, time flies right out of your hands in the blink of an eye, so I have to make a choice sooner or later.


Possible majors:

• Spanish/Language Specialist(this includes Spanish teaching and interpretation)
• Creative Writing(movie producing, a writer of some sort)
• Theatre [Tech Crew]
• Massage Therapy/Physical Therapist
• Education
• Photography
  

Ugh, I wish I was like everyone else already knowing what they wanted to study in college. If you have everything planned for tomorrow, well, where is the spontaneity? Where is the "what if" in the future? Or the what will I have to fight for, look forward for in the future that lies ahead.


It's so tough making a decision right now. It's like I'm waiting for someone's approval or for someone to tell me what to do/what's best for me.
It's a thin debate between Spanish, Creative Writing, Education, Photography and Theatre.

My sister said, "Why don't you Major in Spanish and Minor in Creative Writing?" Because it's just not interesting for me that way, I don't get a kick out of it by just thinking about life like that. I don't want to write books in Spanish or even work in a Spanish newspaper, but I do want to interpret the Spanish language. I love writing blogs, quotes, advice and everything else in between. A massive oxymoron, none the less.

I wouldn't mind Creative Writing and Theatre going hand in hand. Maybe Spanish and Education. Theatre and Education. Creative Writing and Photography. Or even Education and Photography. I wouldn't mind being a sports photographer, or a photographer/yearbook editor for a school. But the question is which one to follow. Ugh! But what will truly benefit me down the line? Don't know.

Whatever I choose, I've been hoping for the best out of it. The best outcome to that decision.
Well just have to wait and see what's in store for tomorrow and even the next.
In this path towards "success" we will lose many "friends" who have been along our side for many years.


Note this:
"We all go through life meeting people, remembering the ones we choose, the ones who impact our lives the most. But it's not important how often we see each other but how often we think about each other. We keep those individuals in memories of our present but soon the past it will be. Trying to not let that fade away. We soon realize that we won't always be together, so we should try to make as much of the sufficient time we have to make something to remember."

Remembering him once again.

Remembering how I fell in love with him, how I lost him, how nothing even started, how I watched him take the joyous voyage to the steps of engagement and now marriage.

He was the kind of person that you want them to be happy, no matter how far that puts you in their lives.

All this "love" makes me laugh, "why do I hold it so closely, if it doesn't...if it doesn't mean anything." One thing that I could tell you that it was so much farther than what people now call love. What they feel is premature enlightenment. Because they just get a hint of it, and instantaneously it's the best thing in the world, and they don't stop calling it that.

It degrades/demeans what it really is.

You know, they say that the best ones are never yours.
I'm starting to think that that's true.

This will sound sad, but I don't believe that I'll love someone else as much. This is more understandable and even more reasonable now that I have fallen out of love, and seen it from a different point of view. Funny that I still out speak these feelings after 2 years of meeting him. And what a wonderful time that was.


It's never logical when you're in love. I never thought or told myself why am I keeping this faith and hope. Why did I keep it, if there was no secure-ment of a relationship forming.
We're just like a racehorse running through the track with blinders on, seeing only what we want to see(only what benefits us), and not looking around. Not realizing and actually admiring what surrounds us. This is what happens when love takes over...

This might infer to you to not fall in love. No, I'm not saying that, love is amazing. Just fall in love but through a bird's eye view noticing and taking in things from a different perception/perspective, and not just hearing things the way you want them but in reality how they really are.

"She was a smart girl, till she fell in love."

Someone taught me to not look forward for those dumb fake fairy tale stories, that almost the majority of all women make up, they set up fake preferences and goals in relationships we have. We(women) look forward to a prince charming to come sweep us off our feet, right? Thanks to all these movies, books and T.V. series like Passions or Days of Our Lives. We have to see the reality in them...there isn't any.

So why wait for the guy if tomorrow isn't promised, we all have goals(relationships) we want to succeed in, what's stopping us from actually living those goals/dreams? Shouldn't we make as much progress as we can today?

Fall in love...carefully.

We work so hard for something, and in an instant it's out of your hands and on the floor.

Funny how fast everything you've worked for, everything you've tried to accomplish in a certain period of time, can all fall down the drain in less than 30 seconds. And I'm not going to lie, it completely ruins my goals, my tasks that I have set for myself. I am no longer able to complete them...in an independent stage.

Yesterday, early in the day, miraculously I started feeling the adult that I'm supposed to be.

But I tell myself this very often, no matter how old you act or the level of maturity you've been able to acquire, people will always see you as the number in your I.D. People, might include family, friends, love interests, teachers, employers/employees/coworkers, etc...

It might change throughout, but it is rare for 35 yr old to see an 18 yr old as one of their own(not meaning as a child or sibling), just a simple example.

Thought that I was ready to set myself free from all the things that we usually attain from home.

 Someone always stands in my path for success, they just don't allow me to get a taste of the nice midnight breeze. This might sound arrogant or non appreciative, but this person is my mother. Many always tell my sister and I, "oh you just don't understand, just wait till you have kids." But that's not an accurate piece of information. I see individuals with an eased state of mind, and their children are emerging greatly in this "piece-of-shit" world.

Maybe I'm just overlooking too many things right now because part of my life is ending really soon, not dying but just ending.

But that's the beauty of it, we all have to adjust to it and change with it.

No matter how life changing or life breaking it could be.