He was the kind of person that you want them to be happy, no matter how far that puts you in their lives.
All this "love" makes me laugh, "why do I hold it so closely, if it doesn't...if it doesn't mean anything." One thing that I could tell you that it was so much farther than what people now call love. What they feel is premature enlightenment. Because they just get a hint of it, and instantaneously it's the best thing in the world, and they don't stop calling it that.
It degrades/demeans what it really is.
You know, they say that the best ones are never yours.
I'm starting to think that that's true.
This will sound sad, but I don't believe that I'll love someone else as much. This is more understandable and even more reasonable now that I have fallen out of love, and seen it from a different point of view. Funny that I still out speak these feelings after 2 years of meeting him. And what a wonderful time that was.
It's never logical when you're in love. I never thought or told myself why am I keeping this faith and hope. Why did I keep it, if there was no secure-ment of a relationship forming.
We're just like a racehorse running through the track with blinders on, seeing only what we want to see(only what benefits us), and not looking around. Not realizing and actually admiring what surrounds us. This is what happens when love takes over...
This might infer to you to not fall in love. No, I'm not saying that, love is amazing. Just fall in love but through a bird's eye view noticing and taking in things from a different perception/perspective, and not just hearing things the way you want them but in reality how they really are.
"She was a smart girl, till she fell in love."
Someone taught me to not look forward for those dumb fake fairy tale stories, that almost the majority of all women make up, they set up fake preferences and goals in relationships we have. We(women) look forward to a prince charming to come sweep us off our feet, right? Thanks to all these movies, books and T.V. series like Passions or Days of Our Lives. We have to see the reality in them...there isn't any.
So why wait for the guy if tomorrow isn't promised, we all have goals(relationships) we want to succeed in, what's stopping us from actually living those goals/dreams? Shouldn't we make as much progress as we can today?
Fall in love...carefully.
This post is very interesting. It contains some of your loveliest writing (that section about the racehorses and the bird's eye view). In some ways, it's the most revealing post, even though there's a lot of details that are kept secret. Most of all, it's your most conflicted. Yes, you spend a lot of time saying it was absolutely a wonderful experience but there's a lot of frustration hinted at between the lines and, in the end, it's clear you wish you could've seen the reality of the situation for what it was a lot earlier.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me a lot of something I wrote a few years ago - http://tinyurl.com/qtht8v . It's a very different reaction, but it's funny how we both try to gain distance by being philosophical about it.