Recently, I've been becoming afraid, afraid of becoming like John Doe from Se7en. But of course, not in anyway similar to him for the murders but of the way he writes, how he writes, etc... He writes endlessly in these notebooks, thousands of them, each with 250 pages and all filled from top to bottom with detailed choice of words. It's incredible for this fictional character to do such a thing, but at the same time disgusting, what he does.
This, as you come to infer, is a small trickle of imagination cutting loose and speaking out.
Anyway, I say this because I love writing...some things. For example, at school we're forced to write essays about Frankenstein, what does Dante think about the Seven Deadly Sins, Canterbury's Tales, how do I think my anatomy lab went, what do I think about: Ahmadinejad jeering out at the anti-racism conference, cutting down on $100 million in 90 days, how President Karzai tells Fareed Zakaria that the U.S. must work with the Afghan government, not the Taliban, for peace, how President Hugo Chavez's ignorance and hypocrisy towards President Obama, could have, in reality, a true meaning there, a purpose. The list goes on and on. This kind of writing is hard to enjoy, I probably speak for myself here, some students could write never ending reports about these topics.
I'm the kind of person who enjoys writing about how my past days have reflected on days that are up to come. Not events that affect just myself but the people around me, as well. How my so-called "love life" hasn't really taken shape, the amazing friends that surround me, events that try to engulf almost all of me with just one breath, if that makes any sense.
Recently, I've been thinking and wondering about "writing" because I'm behind on school work. And it's mostly essay work. Part of it, is because I've become so overwhelmed with procrastination, that it's not even funny.
Funny how I'd rather write endlessly in these blogs other than doing homework.
Funny how "I can continue to live in a place that embraces and nurtures apathy as if it was virtue."
When a lot of people started writing in online journals (this was before blogs), I thought that was a very positive development. People would be more thoughtful because they would be able to reflect on what they were thinking and get feedback from other people. I was soon proven wrong when it turned out that a lot of the mass shooters (like that guy who shot a lot of people at Virginia Tech) were publishing their thoughts online.
ReplyDeleteStill I think there's a HUGE difference with them and what you do. These psychopaths weren't writing to have a conversation with other people or to clarify their thinking. They were just looking for a sounding board for their manifestos. They weren't trying to work things out or test out their ideas, they were already convinced. This was just another way for them to express their hatred at the world.
That's not what you're doing at all.
As for procrastination and apathy, I know how you feel. Ever since I got out of college, I've become very resistant about reading books or learning about subjects I'm not passionately interested in. Those things, I'll wait until the last possible second before I have to do it and avoid them completely if I don't. Next year I'm thinking about getting my masters but I'll have to change my attitude before I do.
But when I was in college, what I would try to do whenever possible is to turn the assignment into something that was more me. In other words, I tried to figure out how to do it in a creative way or figure out a more interesting way of approaching the question. Also, it'll be easier because you'll be picking the courses, although you'll still find yourself in boring classes with dull professors at times.